Back in time - first touch

After many years outside the relligion, when your well planned and settled life starts to collaps, and you cannot do anything about it, You star to look for any solution, any buckup plan. There sometimes there is non, if the most important person in your life decides to leave You. Just at the time, when You fully dedicated to her... the family... leaving all Your self wishes behind. So whats the point in being supportive? Whats the point in dedicating yourself to others? If in the end... Your are left with nothng but humiliation, pain, and regreats. 

One day i just started to talk to this "Guy" up there. Asking him questions (like everyone does) - why me? Why he is so cruel? What did I do wrong? Didn`t got the answere for that. So I cried, drunk, could sleep... asked again, and again, shouted at Him, demaned from Him and after no responce, quit again.

Been a while and not seing any other option, turned back to Him again. Not asking questions or demanding this time... just talking about myself, my feelings, my concerns, my fears... day by day. I really had no idea, what to do. And than... He spoke back. Not by words, but by thoughts. I started to feel, that I`m not alone in my pain. That He is just next to me, holding my arm. I knew, that he will not solve my problems, but ad the same time i knew, that if i choose right, i will feel peace. I started to have many different thoughts on what to do, how to behave. And the hardest one appeared to be for me the best... it was: "Just be a good person". So i did. Was waking up every morning, making coffee to women of my life who wanted to leave me, wishing her good day, not expecting anything in return. Day by day... strange as it may seem, but it felt good. It was damn painfull, hard... but in my heart i felt warm... 

And that that happened...